Yesterday there was an incident at the local coffee shop. One of those city folks stopped by and ordered a cup of coffee. Below is the excerpts taken from the video tape.

The Dried Bean Waitress (DBW) : Coincidental, the waitresses name was Debbie B. Wolf, DBW. She's from the Romantic community. Talk about a cosmic coincidence. "Good morning Sir. What can I get you?"

City Folk (CF): I'll have a Arabian Mocha Cappuccino vanilla flavored Latte with just a drizzle of mocha syrup and a double shot of expresso.

DBW: {looking confused} A what?

CF: I'll have a Arabian Mocha Cappuccino vanilla flavored Latte with just a drizzle of mocha syrup and a double shot of expresso.

DBW: Oh, I'm sorry. You want the malt shop next door.

CF: No, {with what appeared to be some exasperation} I want some coffee.

DBW: We have coffee. And you can get it with cream or sugar. If you want I can brew up a pot of decaf. We grind our coffee fresh every morning!

CF: Is that all you have?

DBW: {looking like she thought he was too dumb to understand} You can get it with cream and without sugar or you can get it with sugar and without cream or you can get it with both cream and sugar or just black..

CF: {now it was the city folk who seemed to appear confused} Don't you have any different types of coffee?

DBW: {looking like she finally understood the question} Yes, yes. We have two types of coffee.

CF: Now we are getting somewhere. What are they?

DBW: We have regular and extra strong strength.

CF: Just get me something.

CF: {after coffee is served} Wow, this tastes really good. What is it? I thought you said you didn't have any flavored coffees? What flavor is this?

DBW: {looking really, really, really confused} "It's just, {pause} just straight coffee. There's nothing added."

CF: How much is it?

DBW: 65 cents.

CF: {after getting back up on his chair}......

End of transcript. Top of Page

Bureaucrats had taken over the world and a license was required for everything. The paperwork was massive, even for things that were once simple. Everything had become legal, as long as the paperwork was complete. Sometimes it took a year of paperwork just to do something that should only take a few minutes. There had become a new type of bureaucrat, one who would help others process that paperwork. They had become the only ones who could actually get the required licenses. They were known as Wizards. It almost took magic to be able to process all of the paperwork and to understand everything.

There were others in society that made their living next to the Wizards. They were know as professionals. They were mostly Attorneys, Bankers, Accountants and, the worst of them all, the MBA’s. They hung around the Wizards, trying to feed off of those who had to travel to see a Wizard. To travel to see a Wizard the first time was fraught with perils of all types. This is a story about some friends who had to travel to see a Wizard. Except for Bob and Higgins, it was their first time.

Bob slowly crept up to the corner of the building and carefully peeked around. "Just what we thought," he said to Pat. "It's heavily guarded. Peek around the corner and take a look for yourself. But be careful."

Pat crept up and slowly looked around the corner. He pulled his head back and said, "Are you nuts? There are only bunch of people with suits and ties."

Higgins crept up and peeked around. "What do you think Bob? What type are they?"

"They are either Attorneys or Accountants. They look a lot alike."

"Attorney's clothes usually match. Look again." Bob said.

Higgins looked around again. "Damn, I think they're Attorneys."

"How many do you see?"

"I count ten."

"Be careful," Bob said. "They may look harmless, but they aren't. They are very good with their summons and then we'll end up in court. That could take us years to get out of."

"What do you mean?" Pat asked, almost laughing. It was his first time and he didn’t understand the seriousness of the situation.

"I mean, while we are fighting to get past them and to see the Wizard, if one of them manages to hit you with a summons, we will end up in court. Then there will be more Attorneys and they will keep throwing motions and motions at us until we get so bogged down that we won't be able to find our way back for years. That's what they do. Even though they may look harmless enough, remember, they are pure evil."

"How do you stop them?" Pat asked.

"You have to kill them."

"We can't just go up to them with a sword and kill them!" Pat said. "They are just standing there."

"They are Attorneys remember. Nobody will care." Bob said. "Look how big their brief cases are. See how long they are! That's where they keep their summons. Trust me. Those summons can stop a sword. Those Attorneys can pull out a summons and stop a sword as fast as you can reach for your billfold. Those damn summons are worse than swords. At least with a sword, if you get hit you still have a chance. But with a summons all they have to do is touch you. "

Higgins looked at them and then said, "This is no joke. These are Attorneys. Be careful. And where there are Attorneys feeding you will almost always find Accountants and Bankers. And the scavenger MBAs are always close by."

"Let’s go around the back way, maybe we can get closer before they see us."

Higgins and Bob pulled their swords and Justin and Pat followed. As they turned the corner three men in suits approached them. Bob noticed that their ties were outdated. He leaned over and whispered. "Be careful, we have some Accountants coming over here. Don't listen to them. They can confuse anyone if you listen to them. They will throw so many meaningless facts at you that your mind will lose focus on the important issues. Just concentrate on something else and don't listen to them. If you do, they will control you and then they will move in for the kill."

As Bob and the others approached, two more Accountants entered the street from a van. As the Accountants got closer they started to say, "You must look at this information. We took an inventory and there is not enough…."

Bob raised his sword and killed two of the Accountants. Before Pat and Justin realized that this was for real, the Accountants had given him so much information that he was not able to focus on what was really happening. One of the Accountants pulled a sword and was striking it down towards Pat, who was just standing there in a trance. Higgins, with lightening speed, met the Accountants sword and blocked his thrust. Luckily for Pat, Accountants are not very swift or strong. They just depend on drowning their victims in a sea of useless information until they can kill them. Higgins swung again and killed him. Two more appeared around the corner, this time with more useless information, and they were louder and more determined than the others. Finally, Pat raised his sword and struck, killing the Accountants where they stood. That just left Justin to break the Accountants spell. As long as the Accountants thought someone would listen to meaningless information, they would keep on dispensing it. Fortunately Accountants become so blinded by their own information that many times several dozen will be killed before they quit. Four more came running towards them. Finally Justin realized what they really were and he was able to break their spell. He raised his sword and struck, killing one of them. When they realized that their tactics wouldn't work they immediately disappeared.

Before they had a chance to regroup, the Attorneys struck. They approached using their rhetoric and verbal intimidation. They tried to enter into meaningless debate with Bob, citing useless facts to distract them from the real issues, and engaging multiple consultants that had nothing to do with the issues at hand. When that failed they quickly opened their brief cases and pulled out their summons. Justin had never seen a summons before, and he was surprised that they were as big and powerful as they were. They were two inches in diameter and three feet long. They looked more like a gigantic pens and when they were struck with a sword they would not break. Standing on the sidewalk talking amongst themselves, the Attorneys appeared somewhat awkward and even argumentative with each other, but when one had a summons in his hand he became swift and deadly. Even thought many Attorney’s were slain, more of them kept coming. The battle raged on, Bob and the others were starting to weaken and it would only be a matter of minutes before one of them would be hit with a summons and they would find themselves stuck endlessly in motion after motion in a courtroom controlled on all sides by Attorneys. Bob had to try something fast. Finally Bob reached into his pocket and took out several gold coins and threw them as far as he could. Immediately the Attorneys stopped their fighting and ran towards the gold coins. Quickly they ran past the Attorneys and entered the Wizards hut and obtained the necessary paperwork.

"I should have realized right away that even though the pen is mightier than the sword, Attorneys will always follow after the gold," Bob said. "But now we must get past the Bankers and then the MBA's and then we should be able to get your license."

It wasn't more then five minutes after they had left the Wizard when the Bankers appeared from all sides. It was different. With the Accountants and Attorneys, they all appeared to be from of the same herd. But with the Bankers it was obvious that they were from different herds. One of the herds from the back, worked their way in front by engaging and consuming the others. By the time they were able to approach Bob and his group, only one herd had survived. In all of the battles that Bob and Higgins had witnessed since the bureaucrats had taken over, the Bankers were always the most gruesome and vicious, even amongst their own kind.

The Banker spoke to Bob, saying, "We can help you reach your goal. We will help you get into the Wizard's hut."

"We can see our goal. We have already reached the Wizard. "

"You only think you have," was his response. "You have not reached your goal. It only appears that way will reach your goal. Until others think you have reached it, it is not true. And since we are only here after you become successful, unless everyone sees you with us, they will not be able to tell if your successful."

"We don’t need you now. We needed you before we started out."

"We couldn’t help you then, that would mean too much risk on our part."

"Then what good are you?"

"Once you sign here," the Banker held out a pen and a paper to sign, "we will show you how to succeed."

"We have already succeeded. Why do we need you now?"

There was a pause, then one of them said. "We can protect you."

Bob pulled out his sword, it was three feet long . He looked at the Bankers swords, they were only eighteen inches long. "How can you protect us with those."

"We have the Attorneys to help us," the Banker said.

"You are forgetting," Bob said, "we have slain all of the Attorneys."

The Bankers turned and fled.

"Are we done now?" Justin asked.

"No, there will be some MBAs somewhere. They breed so fast lately that they turn up everywhere. But I have this potion that will help us fight them." Bob gave Justin a small vial.

"What is it?" Justin asked.

"It's a simple potion," Bob said.

"It's empty," Justin said, holding the bottle up.

"No it isn't," Bob said. "It's full of practical experience, that's all you need. They will have no defense against it."

As Justin looked up he could see in the distance a whole herd of MBAs. They were walking down the middle of the street ten wide and at least fifty deep. Many of them looked desperate and hungry. Justin turned to Bob and said, "They look pretty desperate. Maybe this potion won't work."

"Just give it to me and everyone stay right behind me." Bob took the potion and threw it at the MBAs. Immediately, when they were hit with the potion of practical experience, a hole opened deep down the middle of the herd. Bob took off running and the others followed. Before the MBAs had a chance to react, Bob and his group had run through them and were gone. They had finally obtained their license.

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